i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
