I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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