You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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