so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
