you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
