We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
