What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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