Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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