Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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