I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
