bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
