Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
3 2 1 whiskey
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
