What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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