Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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