brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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