my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
