the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
