i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
