I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
