dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
