Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Welp...herpes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
