Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
