you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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