I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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