Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize