some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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