OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
