i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
