dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
