brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
