wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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