2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
