i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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