dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I could make wine with my vomit
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
