Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize