So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
