Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just cropdusted the office
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
