someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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