and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh god it's open bar.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
