she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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