Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
