Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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