I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
4 words: hood of his car
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
