The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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