i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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