ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
