Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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