I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
