eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
