he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
