So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
