i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
