He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
