One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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