Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
