whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
