he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
