Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
