That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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