No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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