I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
