i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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