youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
