My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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