The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
