I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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