She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize