DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
