We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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