Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
