8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
