This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
