I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
